• Ros Hedgepeth

The Layaway Plan : Situationships and how to end the cycle of Situationships

“For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace...”

1 Corinthians 14:33

When I was in the process of purchasing my home I wanted to treat myself to a bedroom set fit for a queen. I used various search engines to see what was the best price, size, and style. After I got an idea of what I wanted, I asked my closet friends for their opinions. The set that I chose was in high demand so securing one for me was top priority! I did not want to deplete my cash flow so I decided to put the set on layaway. In order to secure my purchase I had to make a down payment and proceed with monthly payments to maintain good standing with the vendor. Even though the bedroom set wasn’t in my possession yet, it felt good to know that no one else could have it!

Similar to the layaway plan, a lot of men are putting women on layaway through situationships. A situationship is when two individuals are romantically and/or intimately involved for an extended amount of time without growth or commitment. In the beginning, men secure trust of a full purchase (relationship) and over time do just enough so she feels that she is off of the market, in hopes of being paid off. I would like to note, not all women are innocent. This can be seen through women who use great men just for a free meal. There are also women who place good men on layaway plans, we will tackle them in a future blog post.

There was a meme that said, “nowadays you don’t know you are in a relationship until you hear him talking on the phone with his friends ‘Yeah me and my girlfriend are about to go to the movies’.” The sad part is a lot of people love having someone there, yet avoid having those hard conversations about commitment. Ladies don’t fall for the “Layaway Plan!”

While in college and a little after, I may have entertained the longest situationship known to mankind. After every failed relationship I would always end up back with him because he was familiar and I knew he would always be there. I ignored the lack of commitment because I was more focused with having someone who gave gifts, took me to dinner, and sent the ‘Good Morning beautiful’ text. At that point in time the notion of love was good enough for me. I met him as a sophomore in college; two years after graduation something clicked that this relationship was not healthy nor a real relationship. When I decided that I was done with living this lie, I told him “I apologize for my role in the turbulence, and I forgive you for everything you’ve done. I am moving on, and I wish you the best in life.” He was rather confused, but he knew this time wasn’t a drill because I never responded. I am a single woman that has lived through various relationships and situationships. I could easily be in a situationship, however, I choose to invest in myself rather than someone who doesn’t want to commit to me.

“He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.”

Proverbs 18:22

I’ve heard a lot of theories when it comes to avoiding the layaway away plan. Some people say don’t get attached. I’ve even heard, “ use men like they “use” us”. Personally, these methods don’t work for me and other Pretty Bosses who don’t have time to gamble with their love life and time. I have included five points that will help you avoid being put on layaway:

  • Communicate: You have to communicate early on where you are and what you want. The hardest conversations are the ones that are needed the most. Ask the right questions, and then listen.

  • Listen: Hear him out fully. Ladies, don’t make up what you want to hear. Don’t go to your home girl who already is in a situationship for advice. A lot of time potential partners will tell us where they are, whether it through words or action. Listen and respond accordingly.

  • Avoid relational comfort zones: A “comfort zone” can happen when you are used to having someone in that partner space. You are looking to fill a void. You don’t like being alone at night, you like receiving that good morning text. If you can’t be content and happy while single, take the time to discovering what's driving your need to always be with someone.

  • Know your limits: Before you start entertaining someone know your limits. If you know you want to be celibate don’t respond to ‘wyd’ text at 3 am. How long are you willing to wait for a new love interest to commit? (3 months, 6 months, 1 year?) Respect yourself enough not only to set a standard, but to also never lower it.

  • Know your worth: As a Pretty Boss you are worth more than a fancy dinner and a “Good Morning” text. Once a man commits to a wife, he obtains favor from the Lord. Ladies you are the key to him becoming all he can be, because of the favor that comes along with being in a covenant with you. You can’t buy favor at Target, girl you are priceless!

As a Pretty Boss you are already trying to balance meeting deadlines, keeping your skin clear, and spending time with your family. You don’t have time for confusion in your love life! It’s so easy for us as women to get caught up in being wanted by a man that we forget to get caught up who we are called to be. I want to encourage you spend less time being distracted by fleeting things. You will never start that business, get that promotion, buy that house if you don’t choose to break the cycle of situationships. The RIGHT one will see your value, respect you for who you are, and pursue you with pure intentions. God is not the author of confusion, but of peace …Pretty Bosses let’s choose peace!

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